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Issue #036, October 25 - How I’d get Julian Assange out of London’s Ecuadorean Embassy
October 25, 2014
Dear VIA (Very Important Adventuress)

How I’d get Julian Assange out of London’s Ecuadorean Embassy & onto a plane at Heathrow

Remember Julian Assange?

For 2 years now, Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has lived in asylum on human rights grounds inside London’s Ecuadorian embassy. If he steps outside the door the British government will grab him and extradite him to Sweden where he’s wanted for questioning for alleged sexual assault of some Swedish prostitutes.

Assange claims this is a ploy to get him to Sweden where he can then be extradited to the US. There he would face all manner of serious charges, including possibly treason, which can carry the death penalty.

Meanwhile, Great Britain is spending millions to keep police posted outside the Ecuadorean embassy and embassy officials claim Assange is suffering from cabin fever—what a surprise.

Inspired by a few glasses of wine and watching the movie, “Argo” I’ve come up with a way to sneak Assange out of the embassy grounds and onto a plane to Ecuador.

Here’s what I would do:

First, find a woman similar to Assange in height and build, and dress her in a distinctive wig and maybe glasses. Give her a passport and some papers establishing her as some kind of government employee (I haven’t worked that part out yet).

For her job, she has to go in and out of the Ecuadorean embassy at different times 3 or 4 days a week.

After maybe two or three months the British police guys—I assume they’re watching from across the street—will recognize her and become lax in paying much attention to her.

Meanwhile Julian Assange learns to walk like she walks and carry the purse and briefcase just like she does.

One day she comes in and we dress Julian Assange in her clothes, her wig, and her glasses. We give him her purse and briefcase and a few hours later out he walks.

The police watchers think it’s her.

Maybe he gets on a bus or takes a taxi to Heathrow, where Ecuadoreans help him board a plane to Quito or Guayaquil.

Of course, this won’t work now that I’ve told you—you may tell someone else and it’ll be all over the internet. So the Ecuadoreans are going to have to think of something else.

(I don’t expect them to call and ask for my advice anyway.)

It’s got to be boring inside that embassy all day. What would you do if you were Julian Assange?

Make today an “adventuress” day—

—Carolyn V. Hamilton, Editor and Chief Adventuress

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